Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
zippers are such a cool invention
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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