Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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