you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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