I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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