so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
