I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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