a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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