So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
