I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
