I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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