drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize