I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
