Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
