ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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