I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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