Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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