I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
