on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
