Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
