i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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