I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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