my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
