Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
