I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
