it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
