I love black thongs
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
