it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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