I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How external is "for external use only"?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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