I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize