There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
