I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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