just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
