TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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