Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Mom said you looked used
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
