Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
