Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
