There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
