actually, I'm a sock model
if i can run in heels then i can drive
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you win again, gameday.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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