those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
