she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I need moral support for this bender
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
