I think im going to throw up on grandma
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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