I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
