dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
