I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
