Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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