yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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