she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
