I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
