he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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