yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
