So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
