is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
