You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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