she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize