It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
