You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
