I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
