Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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