1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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