My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
