Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
