ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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