I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
