man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
